Strawberry Ice Cream

 

     "Cops don't have quotas"  Ask any member of any law enforcement agency in the country.  Hell, ask any public official and you will most likely get that exact answer.  The reason is a simple one, quotas have been ruled by numerous courts across the land to be unconstitutional.  Hence, law enforcement agencies could be putting themselves in a serious liability situation if it were shown that they had a monthly quota of tickets they were required to write.  The Florida law prohibiting quotas is called The Waldo Law.  So named because of the small town of Waldo Florida, where after an FDLE investigation, it was uncovered that the tiny Police Department in Waldo required it's officers to write at least 11 tickets per shift.  Countless people were cited and fined for going 2 mph over the speed limit traveling through town.  The fines generated from this avalanche of tickets generated over twice the annual budget of the tiny department.   The state shut down the department and turned over law enforcement in the area to the Florida Highway Patrol. This was about 10 years ago.

     So, by making an example of this kind of questionable behavior, and clearly defining that law enforcement quotas were unconstitutional,  the State of Florida once and for all killed quotas in law enforcement agencies in the state, right?   Right?  Well, yes, and no. You see, the laws are usually written quite specifically so as not to be interpreted poorly.   So, Florida passes a law that pretty much says "Law enforcement agencies are prohibited from having ticket quotas".  This is simple and direct.  it forbids quotas.  It does not however, forbid strawberry ice cream. (stay with me on this)

Florida State Capital, Tallahassee.

     Some time ago, administration types in the law enforcement field, (This crowd is usually comprised of people who went to 4 years of college, studied law, got a job in law enforcement, and never actually worked a beat. Hired and promoted solely based on their ability to accrue student debt and produce a piece of paper that for some reason makes them smarter than people who actually do the job) these people latched on to the notion that numbers equate to productivity.   Since they have never actually worked as policing personnel, they only see that generating tickets is the only way to prove that an officer is actually doing something during their shift.  They get stuck on the idea of quotas and are fiercely reluctant to let them go. 

     Their answer is a simple application of the law.  They eliminated quotas from their operating procedures.  They then quickly implemented new policies with names like "Strawberry Ice Cream".  The new strawberry ice cream policy dictates that officers will be required to issue a minimum of 11 tickets during every shift they work.  Officers will be judged and reviewed quarterly based on how well they adhere to the strawberry ice cream policy.  Any officer found to not be meeting the minimum requirement of strawberry ice cream can be disciplined, and even terminated for not following standard operating procedure as outlined within departmental policy.  The policy of requiring 11 tickets per shift is never ever referred to as a "quota" in spoken or written word since quotas are illegal.  It's always referred to as Strawberry Ice Cream.

    This tactic serves a couple of purposes.  For one, it allows the administration to keep their immoral, unconstitutional policies in place, having convinced themselves that this is the only way to measure productivity among their own staff.   It gives them numbers to put on a page to use as statistics for election campaigns and official state reports.   Another, equally devious accomplishment of this approach is hiding it from the public, specifically the media, in plain sight.   You see, public record laws are pretty direct in the US, but especially in Florida.  If a citizen or a member of the media asks a public agency for information from a government agency, they are compelled legally to turn over that information to the individual or organization.  With this setup, a member of the media places a public records request for any and all information in agency records relating to quotas.   The agency can simply respond that the word "quota" does not appear anywhere at all in their standard operating procedures or for that matter any of their records anywhere whatsoever.  And they can confidently make this statement without lying.

     With quotas established in such ways, the only way to force the agency to produce the information relating to the program that requires officers to write 11 tickets per shift, is for the individual writing the records request to specifically ask for any and all documentation about "Strawberry Ice Cream".   At this point the agency in question can justifiably call the individuals sanity into question and refuse to fulfill any public records requests based on frivolity.  Officers are warned that discussing any agency policy including strawberry ice cream, with anyone outside the agency is a breach of policy and a fire-able offence.  Officers stand to lose their income, retirement, benefits and their law enforcement certification if they discuss it or even acknowledge it outside of work. 

     If this level of deceit bothers you, it should. I can tell you that the law enforcement personnel that I interviewed for this information were deeply disturbed by it.  The largest law enforcement agency in my county has had at least 2 officers that I am aware of who have been disciplined for writing citations to people without even pulling them over.  Their excuses were that they were under such pressure to meet the "strawberry ice cream requirements" that they didn't even have enough time during their shift to do the minimum ice creaming. Except, when I interviewed these officers, they called it "quotas". 

For the sake of clarity here, I feel the need to point out that agencies actually use more technical convoluted jargon to name their quota programs, like "Performance requirement Marks" or some such crap.  The end result is universally the same however, in that the agency gets to circumvent legislation by using creative dialogue.  

10 Tips For Air Travel.

 

    Being a professional driver, I get a lot of questions about what it's like to be on the roads so much.  The delicate truth is, I actually log more air miles every year than road miles. 

  I get to spend way more time at airports than I would like to, because I'm typically flying back and forth to the vehicles I'm moving around the country.  Over the years, it's given me the opportunity to observe a few things.  And I've learned a few things that have made my traveling life easier, and might help make yours easier too.    So without further ado, I give you 10 tips to make your air travel easier:

1: You are NOT a Sherpa. 

This has to be the most egregious violation that I see.  There are disturbing number of people that try to carry every single thing they own onto the plane with them.  If you do this, you are holding up the TSA security checkpoint, you're holding up the loading process, You're delaying the unloading process.  In short, you are making everybody else in the world late.  If $25 to check a bag is going to break your back, then maybe air travel isn't for you.  One means one.  One carry on, and stop trying to carry on those damn steamer trunks. I promise, you are not going to need access to your entire makeup collection, your entire collection of hair bands, curling iron, hair dryer, exfoliating kit, on this flight.  Check that shit. Plus, drag-assing your entire wardrobe across a mile and a half in an airport to make a connecting is just exhausting. If you're carrying more than one bag while you're getting on the plane, you're wrong. End of story.  I can promise you that if you follow this one rule, you're traveling life will get a whole lot easier. 

2: Check your bags for free!

Okay, I get it.  You don't want to give the airlines one more red cent, and $25 to check a bag is highway robbery... Well, there's an easy way around that baggage fee.  Be "that guy" and  drag your entire luggage collection through the TSA security checkpoint.  However, once you get to your first gate, tell the attendant that you want to check your bags there.  They can do the whole process right at the gate, and they don't charge you for it there. They just tag your bag and put it on the plane, And you can collect it at the luggage carousel when you get to your destination.  Now keep in mind, this process only works if you're not caring something That's prohibited by TSA like volumes of liquids, or weapons. But if you're dragging your steamer trunk with you to avoid the $25 fee, this is an easy way to get around it, and still get to check your luggage.

3: Dress the part

I understand that air travel isn't  as luxurious as it used to be 50 years ago.  But you may want to think this one through before you head to the airport.  Pick comfortable clothes. Pick layered clothes.  Pick shoes that are comfortable to walk in, and run in.. because you might just be sprinting across the airport to make that connecting flight.  I've seen one too many women try this shit wearing high heels and it never works right.  Especially when she's dragging her four carry-on items and a steamer trunk with her.  Bring your noise canceling headset, because there will be screaming babies. You don't HAVE to dress nice.  However, one truth that I can speak to is that the more professional you look, the more professional you will be treated by the airline staff.   You're more than entitled to dress as comfortable as you want. But don't be surprised when people treat you as a reflection of your own outward appearance.

4: Have a plan.   Have a backup plan.

Before you ever leave to head to the airport, Make sure that you have a plan on what you're going to do.  If you're driving there, make sure you know where you need to park.  If you're catching a ride, make double sure on your agreed upon times.  Have a plan in place for what happens if your flight gets canceled, or you're connecting is late, or you're connecting gets canceled. It's okay to have already picked out an emergency hotel, or a place to rent a car.  If you've already anticipated the worst, It makes it easier to deal with if it happens.  I've watched people completely melt down in the airport, because their connecting was missed or canceled, and they just had absolutely no idea what to do.  

5: Know your airline hub.

I'm going to tell you a secret here, The cheapest flight isn't always the best flight.  Before you pick an airline, or a flight, make sure you know where their main hubs are at.  Let me give you an example.  I live in Florida. Because Delta's main hub is in Atlanta, I try to do as much business through Delta as I can.  The reason for this, is that the proximity to their hub means that fewer flights are canceled or delayed, and if they are, they're picked up pretty quickly.  American Airlines closest hub to me is in Charlotte North Carolina.  When I fly American, I get about 70% more cancellations or delays flying into Florida. With United's airline hubs being in Chicago and Houston, I don't even consider them.   When you're flying, the closer you are to an individual airlines hub, the lower the probability that you're going to get stranded. Keep that in mind when you book your flight.

6: Check your bags before you go.

Before you pack your bags to get on that plane, pick up every bag that you're going to use, and dump it all the way out.  Make sure that you put hands on every single thing that goes in that bag.  Take a mental inventory.  Take all your liquids, or liquid substances and put them in gallon Ziploc bags together.  That way if something leaks, it doesn't get all over your clothes. Checking your bags this way not only insures that you have everything you need, it insures that you don't have something you don't need, like an errant pocket knife or something stupid that you left in a bag that's going to get you in trouble with TSA when you're trying to get through security.  Hundreds of people are arrested every year for taking a gun through TSA that they "forgot was in their bag". Don't be "that guy".  Check your bags before you leave. 

7: Cranky? Maybe you're thirsty.

The process of pressurizing and depressurizing a plane cabin dehydrates you.  It's part of the reason why despite everything else, airlines still serve beverages on planes.  If you're feeling a little nauseous, or your head hurts, or you just a little cranky, drink some water.  You'll start to feel better in about 5 or 10 minutes I promise.  In fact, if that baby 2 seats behind you been screaming non stop for 45 minutes, you may want to politely point out this fact.  Baby may just be dehydrated.  But POLITELY.. mom's probably cranky too.

8: What's the hurry to board?

I see this every time I go to get on a flight.  They make an announcement over the intercom that they're going to board your flight in 10 minutes, And everybody stands up and gets in line.  I got news for you, you aren't going to get on the plane any faster, and you're not going to get to your destination any quicker if you stand in that line.  Do you know what you will get? After 25 minutes outstanding there, you'll get to sit in your seat, only to have every Sherpa with a steamer trunk struggle past you and smack you in the head with their bag as they're headed to the back of the plane.  If you're flying on an airline that has assigned seating, I promise you your seat is still going to be there.  Give it a little time, let the line die down a little bit, being last to get on the plane is actually kind of nice.  Sometimes there's an exit row seat available that isn't filled, and the steward just will let you take it.  

9: What's the hurry to disembark?

Guess what, if you stand up as soon as the plane lands and grab your steamer trunk and stand there in the center aisle for 10 minutes, You aren't going to get off the plane any faster, and you are going to get out of the airport any faster, you're just an asshole. The plane will actually unload faster if you sit in your seat and wait for your turn to get up and get out.  That way the people in front of you have room to maneuver to grab their own steamer trunks out of the overhead bins and get off the plane.  Yeah, I understand, sometimes late flights mean you're in a hurry to make a connecting.  If that's the case, just mention it to the airline stewardess before you land.  A lot of times they will help you make concessions to get off quickly to make your connecting if you need to.  Otherwise just sit there and wait your turn.

10 Be nice!

Airline staff have a terrible job.  They have to deal with a lot of their own rules, Most of them don't really know what's going on, and the few that do, have been instructed to lie to you.   Being nice, being friendly, will go a long long way with these people. Airline staff does have the ability, and the gumption to upgrade your seat if they want to to, give you free food or drinks if they want to, but it's entirely on them.  And more often than not, that's based entirely on how you treat them. Pro tip: Airline staff can, and will accept tips. I don't know about you, but I've found that when I tip somebody, they generally have a tendency to treat me better.

Bonus tip:

If you're going to be traveling more than twice a year by air, getting the TSA pre-trip screening done saves a TON of hassle and time.  It only costs about $85, and it's good for 5 years.  It's probably the smartest thing I've ever done when it comes to air travel.

By no means are these 'rules", nor be they set in stone.  I have just found that my life has gotten exponentially easier when I'm traveling, if I'm following a few guidelines.  You're welcome to give it a shot, or just keep dragging that steamer trunk through security... Your choice. 

Some of my favorite places to eat. Part 1 (Eastern US)

      One of the benefits of traveling is that I get to eat a lot of different foods from around the country. In fact, I make it a point to strive to find the most interesting culinary delights and save them to my list of "must eat places"  It dawned on me recently, that it does me no good at all to have such a list since I have already sampled all of these foods.   Unless, that is, I can share that list with someone else.  So, Here it is.  This is by no means a comprehensive list of anything other than some of my very favorite places to eat. It does not mean that there aren't better places, but I am reserving this list to places where I have actually eaten and can speak for the menu.  Some of them are elegant, some are holes in the wall, but they all have one thing in common; they knocked it out of the park when they served me food.  So, I present, in no particular order, some of my favorite places to eat in the United States:

Maple Street Biscuit Company

39 Cordova St, St. Augustine, FL 32084

    In a competitive market like St. Augustine Florida, its very tough to survive in the restaurant business if you are serving sub par food.  As the name would suggest, the Maple Street Biscuit Company specializes in Biscuits and Gravy and breakfast/brunch items.  In the heart of old town, the quaintness of the eatery betrays the hustle of the tourists rushing around outside.  Affordable great food served in a very laid back environment make this a "must do" if you are in St Augustine.  Just come early and hungry, because there is always a line.  

What to order:  Biscuits and Gravy, Waffles.  

Hip Hop Fish And Chicken

6610 N Main St, Jacksonville, FL 32208

     The "quaintness" of this eatery, tucked back into the hood of Jacksonville Florida, might fool you into thinking twice about eating here.  It did for me.  I'm glad I stayed.  I can't tell you what it is about the seasoning they use for their chicken and fish, but I would not be surprised if they were sprinkling some crack in it just to keep you addicted.   The secret seasoning they use on both their chicken and fish keep a perpetual line around the establishment during eating hours.  So if you don't want to wait, come early.

What to order: Chicken or fish.

Papa Bucks BBQ

1085 S Lewis St, Metter, GA 30439   

    Sitting in the remnants of a strip mall with a dirt parking lot, upon approaching Papa Bucks, you will probably be thinking I have lost my damn mind--up until you walk in the front door and see the wall plastered with thank you letters from the Food Network.  A late 50's motif decorates this small eatery and provides a very cozy atmosphere.  The meat in here is simply unmatched. From the brisket to the pulled pork. All slathered in that Georgia style sauce, Home made of course.   The creativity with which they serve it will keep you coming back for more.  I can sum up this place with a simple story:  I sent my friend Nicholas here.  He called me that night and said:  "I ordered an entree. I ate the entire thing.  Then, I ordered another entire entree.... and ate that too".

What to order:  Scooby Snacks, Pigzilla

Macs Speed Shop

2414 Sandy Porter Rd, Charlotte, NC 28273

     Another BBQ joint, this time in the Carolinas.  Mac's has, because of their fantastic food and clean, laid back environment,  found amazing success in Charlotte. Leading to the opening of several satellite locations.  The Meat is always cooked to perfection.  The home made sauce is of course the "Carolina" variety and deserves it's own article.  Service is top notch, and Mac's is a Charlotte "Must do"

What to order: Burnt ends, brisket.

Genos Steaks

1219 S 9th St, Philadelphia, PA 19147

    Before everyone gets into a tift about Philly Cheesesteaks, I KNOW that every place in Philly has the best cheesesteaks.  I won't debate that.  I will just say, that my experience was hands down, With Geno's, AMAZING.  The Cheesesteak I ordered was longer than my arm.  I am not exaggerating when I say, It took me 2 days to finish it.  It was pure bliss of sliced steak and melty cheese.  You may find something better, but for my money, I'll stick with Genos

What to order:  Duh

Jake n Joes Sports Grille

25 Foxborough Blvd, Foxborough, MA 02035

    About a half hour south of Boston, this otherwise non imposing eatery seems pretty run of the mill.  All the way up to the point where you order the clam chowder.   Now, my experience may be a bit skewed here because it has always been damn cold every time I go to Boston.  But nothing has ever warmed me all the way to my soul like the clam chowder served at Jake n Joes.  I spent a solid week camped up the street, and it was all I ate the entire time I was there.  Like I said, maybe it was the cold weather, but I've eaten a lot of clam chowder, and I have never had it's equal.

What to order: Clam Chowdah'

 

Reds & Trudys

501 Portville-Ceres Rd, Portville, NY 14770

  I have said it many times: When it comes to serving food, do one thing and do it better than anyone else in the world.  Reds & Trudys has the market cornered on loose meat sandwiches, end of story.  I am not from anywhere NEAR Portville, but Introduced to me by Melissa over a decade ago, I immediately fell in love with the simple, flavorful, humble loose meat sandwich that is the back bone of this establishment. 

What to order:  Loose meat sandwich---probably should get 4 or 5 of them.

Charlie the Butcher's Carvery

770 Elmwood Ave ste a, Buffalo, NY 14222

   Upstate New York is famous for a sandwich that you may have never heard of, it's the "Beef on Weck".  Sliced roast beef served on a buttery and salty topped kummelweck bun.  My description will never do it justice.  There is much debate in the Buffalo area about who "was the first" to make it.  The fans of Charlie the Butcher sent me there to settle the debate, and I quickly forgot who the other competitor was, and didn't care.  It's an upstate culinary delight that deserves a stop.

What to order:  Beef on Weck

Dixie Chili

733 Monmouth St, Newport, KY 41071

      Cincinnati style chili is entirely unique unto itself.  Nothing else in the food world really compares to it.  Dixie Chili, based right across the Ohio river in Newport Kentucky is debatably one of the oldest Cincinnati style chili restaurants in the area.  There are a couple locations, but the small size, in my mind, keeps the quality higher.  They do sell their chili in cans too if you want to take some home with ya.

What to order:  Chili dogs, with cheese.

Melt Bar & Grilled

3921 Medina Rd, Akron, OH 44333

     Of all the places on this list, Melt may deserve it's own entire blog.  Maybe I am biased, but the 80's motif, along with the top notch food, in my mind, could not be beat.  I have, since Hurricane Charly took down the only restaurant in town that served a Monte Cristo, have been, on the search for the "perfect Monte Cristo sandwich".  I found it at Melt Bar and Grilled in Ohio.   This place is already spinning off franchises as fast as they can be built.  I am pretty sure that every single thing on the menu was offered batter dipped, and deep fried.    While their claim to fame is grilled cheese, I never slowed down to try it.  I stuffed myself with as much rich, fatty, fried goodness as I could absorb, and rolled my ass out the door---only to return the next day and do it again. 

What to order:  MONTE CRISTO!

I realized, after starting this list, that I have several dozen really good places that I just love to frequent across the country.  So, I have decided to split this up into several blogs to keep it from getting too lengthy.  So, if you didn't see your area in here or your favorite eatery, (not that I care what YOUR favorite place is), Just check back in a day or two, I may have gotten up the gumption to write the sequel.