10 Tips for using hotels when you travel

  I travel a lot.  My job is traveling.  I've had boots on the ground in all lower 48 states this decade.  Because I travel, I spend, on average 100 nights a year in hotel rooms.   I've stayed in all manner of hotels and motels.  These are a few of the tricks I have picked up along the way that might make your next travel experience a little easier.  

1:  Everyone likes money.  I have yet to encounter a person in the hospitality industry who does not like to get a monetary tip.  True, money can't buy everything, but it can surely buy you an upgrade.  A ten dollar bill for the front desk clerk might mean the difference between spending the night in a $120 double queen, or a  $190 king suite at the double queen price.    Which brings us to:

2:  The staff does have the ability to adjust your rates.  They have the ability to dispense free upgrades. They have the freedom to hand out a lot of free perks to guests.  And most of the time, their attitude about this is entirely based on your attitude towards them.  (see rule number 1). You will get more flies with honey than with shit.  These people work hard.  Try to give them the benefit of the doubt and don't be an entitled ass.  Sometimes mistakes are made, be willing to forgive stupid shit and they will usually be more inclined to make sure you have a pleasant stay.

3: Forgot your razor?  That's okay.  MOST hotels have a stash of toiletries behind the counter in case you forgot something.  Even the ones with vending machines that sell razors for 5 bucks a piece will usually give you a free one if you just ask for it. You would be surprised what they might just hand out for free.  Ask before you run off and buy something.  But you also forgot your phone charger?   A telling amount of people leave behind device chargers which they throw in a "lost and found" box.  After 6 months, they usually empty the box and start over.   Ask at the desk if they have a spare charger before you run and buy a new one.  I've also done this with reading glasses. 

 "I stayed here last week and left my glasses behind"   

"We have this box of glasses..."   

**starts trying on glasses** 

"Nope, nope, nope,--AH these are it"  (puts on pink reading glasses).  The girl behind the counter giggled and sent me on my way.

4:  Do your research.  Read the user reviews.  I've stayed at plenty of 2 star hotels that outclassed 4 star hotels.  The user reviews, especially on Google can be very telling about a hospitality establishment.  I stayed at a motel in Galveston a couple of years ago that had an overall rating of 1.7 stars.  But I read the reviews and saw that all the recent ones raved about the new remodel and new management.  All with 5 stars and stellar reviews.  The low overall score kept the beachfront room to $78 a night.  It was an amazing experience at a bargain price.  

5: Don't ask for a room by the elevator.   Drunk, loud, obnoxious people use the elevator at 2:30 in the morning.  Ask for a room on the ground floor or by the stairs.  Speaking of drunk people:

6: Nicer hotels might not rent to you if you have a local address.  They aren't stupid.  They know you came there to get drunk, get loud, make a mess, and generally be an ass.  They don't want it.  They might just tell you they are sold out for the night---sorry.  On this vein, try to clean up after yourself. It's okay to leave a little mess behind, but if you do, leave a tip for housekeeping.  They are some of the hardest working people in the country.  If you are gonna make them work harder, at least pay them for it.--See rule number 1.

7:  Check in/ Check out times are not set in stone.  Sometimes you can check in early or check out late without a penalty if you just ask nicely--See rule number 1

8: Don't get the upgraded internet.  It's just the same shitty internet speed, but now you paid 6 bucks to access it.  Free breakfast is free for a reason.  It's usually not very good.  Don't have high expectations with free shit, just be grateful when it's pretty good. 

9:  Don't rent rooms near truck stops, colleges or hospitals.  Rooms near truck stops and colleges are generally poorly maintained.  Their clientele typically does not have much respect for the establishment and it gets run down pretty fast.  As far as hospitals go, I have found that these establishments usually house the relatives of folk who are under medical care.  One too many times, I have gotten on the elevator and had this conversation:  Me: "Mornin!  Wonderful day.  What brings you to town"?   Guy in elevator: "Oh my 12 year old daughter has cancer".  Me:  "I'll just shut up now".  Also, if you just LOVE the sound of ambulances running by your room at all hours of the day and night, be my guest.  Otherwise, if you want quiet, stay away. 

10: Get the app.  The hotel apps usually offer better rates.  They also have offers like double points for an extra 5 or 10 bucks.  Those points add up quick and lead to free stays.  

     Using your head and making adult judgement calls will usually keep you in a pretty good place.  A lot of things are pretty much common sense, like if the pool hours are 4 to 10, don't be in the pool drunk at 10:45 making a mess.  I hope these few tips will help you have a happier, better stay at your next hospitality resort.   ...just remember rule number 1 and you will be fine.