I Will

 She saw right through all my scars

Pretty little thing came and claimed my heart 

I didn't dare believe it would go this far 

I didn't know I could love this hard 

She wasn't shy but she'd been bitten. 

My heart melted for this lonely kitten 

She knew just what my heart was missin

She made me whole, and now I'm smitten. 

It took all this time for me to see 

That her and I were meant to be 

Our spirits healed, our souls run free. 

I love her, no doubt, and she loves me. 

We share her music, her arms, her bed. 

And she lives rent free inside my head 

Distant strangers no more, but lovers instead 

Without her now, my soul would be dead.

I want you to know The love that I feel 

It's meant to be, I know that it's real

Daring to hope, that someday we'll 

Have a moment to say "I will"

A Toy Story

  

There it was.  I had hear him say it.  "Yeah I'm a Tonka party".   This man, a man I have known my entire life, had revealed to me something that I should have very well been aware of:  He was a member of the wrong political party!  Being a card carrying member of the Mattel party myself, I found myself in a very difficult situation now.  Because this man, my friend, my life long friend... was running for re-election for Sheriff in his county, and I was wanting to do everything I can in my power to endorse his election and reaffirm his place in his office.... But HOW?! How did it get past me that he was TONKA party??? 

    Stacy and I had gone to High School together.  I was probably closer to his older brother Steve, because we were the same age, and Stacy was a year younger.  But we always hit it off.   And as we grew older, Stacy and I found a lot more in common with each other. And, as with most people, you pull your friends from the pool of people that you share values with, and Stacy hit quite a few of my buttons. He still did.  But I couldn't conceive how it was even possible that... TONKA PARTY????  All his values clearly reflected the Mattel party.  I mean his stance on gun control and abortion and taxes... All very clearly Mattel Ideals.  I guess I never asked or paid attention since we lived so far apart from each other. 

SHERIFF STACY WEBER PICKS UP DEBRIS ON THE ROAD TO INSURE DRIVER SAFETY

     I admit, our guy running for President is clearly a little off center.  But Tonka party guy is just absolute whack.  I mean how on earth could he possibly support that imbecilic air head?  My head was just completely spinning as I uttered "Oh, I didn't realize you were Tonka Party".  I still had him on the phone, and we were talking about his re-election down in Iowa. We finished our dialogue with a few exchanges about some upcoming plans and said our goodbyes. I hung up the phone in complete disbelief.

SHERIFF STACY WEBER RECALLS HIS FIRST VEHICLE, A CORVETTE THAT ALSO ENDED IT'S EXISTENCE IN A SIMILAR MANNER

     Over the course of the next several days, I chewed it over in my head when I had some free moments.  "There's no way". I would say to myself.  He is SO Mattel party material.  I mean he volunteers in the community, he goes out of his way to help people, he goes so far above and beyond... I would keep falling back to my analysis of my good friend right up until it finally hit me:  He wasn't wrong, I was.  

     I had been completely discounting the possibility that it was entirely possible to have ideals and values that crossed party lines.  I had been ignoring the fact that your political party affiliation really has less to do with your ideals than where you can find the most support to boost your campaign.  I was ignoring the fact that it was completely possible for people who laid claim to a particular political party to have independent and individual beliefs and mindsets that fall outside of the party dictated ones. I had ignored that fact that my friend was his own person.  With his own ideals.  With his own beliefs and morals.  I was ignoring the fact that my friend was human and made his own decisions.

SHERIFF STACY WEBER DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST; SCHMOOZING 

     The bigger problem is that this exact same thing is happening every day, in every city across this country.  We are letting this mindset divide us.  We are letting it prejudice (prej·​u·​dice: A pre-conceived notion or opinion) us against people we have never taken the time to actually get to know. People have lost friends over it.  Loved ones fight and don't speak with each other.  People are downright hostile to each other, sometimes violently.  All because we want to assume that people are driven by the political party that affiliate with?  Think about how absurd that really is. 

MY FRIEND; SHERIFF STACY WEBER

    If you are reading this, and you've made it this far, do yourself a favor, and make it a point to try to reserve judgement the next time you run into someone from the "wrong party".  Just try it.  Go out of your way to try to get to know them.  They may surprise you and reveal that you have a lot more in common that you first thought.  As for me, I'm going to go back and help my very dear friend Stacy in any way I can... He has a tough race this year against some filthy Mattel Member.   

Can build 42 shoot new life into Project Zomboid?

 At just over a decade, Project Zomboid holds the distinction of being one of the longest running games still in beta stage of development.  The small Canadian/English based Indie Stone has been feverishly working on their latest update for the wildly successful open world isometric game. Despite promising a complete overhaul of many essential game systems, and piles of new content, one can't help but wonder if the upcoming update will address the games single biggest flaw; The game still lacks an objective. 

"This is how you died."  Project Zomboid makes no promises to it's players.  The game is brutal, unforgiving, complex, merciless and insanely addictive.  The game launches you into the world that immediately makes every attempt to destroy you. So, at it's base, the unspoken objective of the game itself is simply to survive.  This objective alone can keep players entertained for days on end.  There is so much area to explore, and the many, sometimes infuriating, nuanced micro managing necessities are a delight to discover and explore for people who suffer from OCD. 

    The small team of developers have been hard at work serving a legion of very loyal fans. Adding heaps of new content, in a build that they are promising to release sometime before the end of the summer.  Some of those new features include all new lighting dynamics, new sounds, crafting benches with all new recipes, new weapons, farming and animal husbandry.  The coders have replaced the lighting dynamics, increased the elevation of the buildings in the map, and added all new areas to explore. They have addressed performance issues in both single player and multiplayer.  But even with all of these things, which has the community salivating for a release date, the underlying flaw of re-playability still exists. 

     Because of the nature of the game, it's location centered around Louisville Kentucky, the map is static.  Essentially, the topography never really changes.  So what probably amounts to the games most exciting feature; exploration, is diminished after the first couple thorough playthroughs.  We found ourselves harkening back to our childhood imagination days of self imposed meaningless goals for the game such as; Everyone has to build a base from scratch with harvested materials. Or, we can only walk backwards with a baseball bat and see how many zombies we can kill that way before we die.  (it was 2137 by the way). 

    Because of the nature of the game itself. it could be argued that the game does not really need an objective beyond staying alive.  One could further argue that to put objectives in place would stifle the open world exploration feel of the game.  It undeniably one of the largest sleeper hits of the last decade.  PZ has an almost cult following in it's player base and it's modding community.  So, perhaps the task of adding arbitrary objectives may be best left to those modders.  In the meantime, the zomb-o-philes anxiously await build 42.  

Turn Some Pages

   

   I had always thought that mans biggest flaunt against his own creator was to spend his entire existence in complacency.  To not take the time to enjoy and experience all the thing that his maker put here for him.  I understand now that I was wrong, or at the very least only partially correct.  I have spent a lifetime absorbing the musings of poets and bards.  I've listened to, and read about the finer trappings of the thing they called love.  I thought that I could relate to them and understand the many variations and creative ways that they attempted to explain what it is like to truly experience the deepest gift we have been given as individual thinkers.  I was clueless about all these things.   The biggest tragedy in a persons existence is to let the person that they are destined to share an existence with pass them by without a fight. I know, because I made this mistake.

      I can see now, and understand how so many people are drawn to the arms of the person closest to them which offers merely comfort in the moment, and a sense of normalcy and safety.  We do this because life doesn't make it easy to find our destiny.  It is not easy to find our muse.  But I can attest, it's worth the fight.  It is worth every single inch of the struggle.  To crawl on your hands and knees, bleeding out through your fingernails to claw your way to the person that will give you pure, unadulterated love, is worth every bit of that struggle.  Unfortunately for most, its not a fight they are willing to endure.  I failed this test when life offered it to me. 

    I was fortuitous enough to be presented early in life with someone whom I felt this truest of feelings.   Our most cherished time was spent for hours on end, laying in each others arms and staring into the others eyes, marveling at this purest form of love.  It was, and is, the most awe inducing, intoxicating feeling that I have had the pleasure of experiencing... And I carelessly threw it away.  I did so with the misguided thoughts of a young man who didn't understand the world, or love, or relationships to the extent that it would have protected us better.  I threw it all away because I was sure that I was not good enough for her, and that she deserved a better man than I was destined to be.  I believed that I was helping her reach a better place in life.  I was wrong on all of those assumptions, and we both paid dearly for my mistake. 

     I have learned that Lachesis is not in the habit of offering up second chances at life's most valuable achievements.  Life is very unforgiving about allowing us to rectify affairs of the heart.  It is almost unheard of to hear about a broken heart actually mending itself, yet this is where I find myself today.  I have not always been the man I wanted to be.  I have failed at endeavors that I should have easily succeeded at.  Many times, I have not been a good father, a good brother, a good partner or a good person.  But, I HAVE learned from my mistakes.  One thing I have had the very painful reality of learning recently is that I was given love in the arms of a woman that poets write of.  I was blessed with that opportunity and I also failed.... But fate has blessed us....

    I have been afforded what I consider a once in a lifetime opportunity to rectify my mistakes of my ignorant youth.  Finding myself back in the arms of my muse for a second time much later than we last left each other.  The pace and manner in which we reconnected to our souls was dizzying.  Most observers would probably consider it wreck less and fool hardy.  It is a sensation that cannot be explained with mere words.  It has to be experienced to be understood.  It takes your sanity, it takes your breath, it takes your fear and self loathing away and replaces it with elation and pure ecstasy.  Just to be near her is the most potent drug I have ever experienced.  My mind short circuits and I would gladly sacrifice my kingdom just to look into her eyes once again.  And it's happening!

    It is such a bittersweet thing to me to contemplate how much of our lives was spent away from each other.  Time that would have been magical, staring into each others eyes and finding the meaning of the universe.  But it is also an elation of pure happiness that I understand that we have been given a second chance.  We have the time left in our lives to make the most amazing memories, to take each others hand and explore what the truest definition of love really is.  It would be a terrifying reality for most to see their own world and plans for life turn completely on it's side, yet, I welcome it with eager anticipation.

I don't know what the future holds for me.. for us.  I do know now, that my life was never complete, it was never whole without her in it.  I KNOW that for us to truly find happiness, the path leads right through each others arms..... Which is where I intend to spend the rest of my life.

Kate I was wrong.  I know that now.  May this serve as my promise: I will never intentionally hurt you again.  I will protect you and cherish you as the love of my life that I now understand that you are!

H