Somewhere on northbound Interstate 75 in northern Kentucky:
GPS: “State Border
Ahead.”
Me: “Oh sweet, finally.”
GPS: “Crossing Border. Entering Ohio.”
GPS: “ROAD
CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
Me: “Oh well, better slow down and take it easy.”
GPS: “Road Narrows Ahead.”
Me: “I see that, better take it back another notch.”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
Me “Yeah, I heard you the first time.”
GPS: ROAD CONSTRUCTION NEXT 40 MILES!”
Me: “Gonna be a long day.”
GPS: “ONE LANE ROAD AHEAD!”
Me: “sigh”
***38 miles later***
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
Me: “What? Really?”
GPS: “Yes, really.”
ME: “grumble”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
Me: “Yeah Yeah, I know.”
GPS: “STEEP DOWNGRADE AHEAD.”
ME: “What? (easing off the throttle)This is Ohio”
GPS: “I know, just kidding.”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
ME: “Argh.”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
Me: “How far have we come into Ohio?”
GPS: :”113 Miles.
ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
Me: “Okay, it’s been a long day, lets pull over and get
something to eat. Where can I find a restaurant?”
GPS: “7 Miles ahead.”
Me: “Perfect, lets go there.”
GPS: “Rerouting----ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!.”
GPS: “Take the exit
on the right, then turn right.
Me: “I can see the restaurant is to the left.”
GPS: “Turn Right”
Me: “Im turning left.”
GPS: “Suit yourself.
MAKE A U-TURN THEN TURN RIGHT.”
Me (Pulling over) “I’m not listening to you.” (gets out)
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!”
***20 minutes later***
Me: “Ok lets go.”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD.”
ME: “Yeah I know.”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION NEXT 50 MILES.”
Me: “GPS is there an easier way around this construction?”
GPS: “Calculating……calculating…..rebooting.”
Me: “Sigh—OK Google”
Phone: “Hello Howie”
Me: “ Ok, Google, navigate to Detroit Michigan.”
Phone: “Opening Maps.”
GPS: “What was that?”
Me: “Nothing.”
GPA: “Are you using another device!?”
Me: “uh, no. NO!”
Phone: “I found three possible routes to Detroit.”
GPS: “ARE YOU NAVIGATING WITH YOUR PHONE!?. ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD.”
GPS: “How many devices have you been using all this time? Recalculating”
Me: (Mutes phone) “There.
I shut it off.”
GPS: “Recalculating.”
Me: “?”
GPS: In two miles, take the exit on the right, then turn
left.”
Me: “NO! That will
take me 20 miles out of route.”
GPS: “Recalculating……. In seven miles, take the exit on the
right, then turn right.”
ME: “NO!”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD.”
Muted Phone: “Your wife is calling.”
Me: “GPS, where are we?”
GPS: “Just outside Cincinnati”.
Me: “Ok then”
Muted Phone: “Your wife is calling.”
GPS: “Steep Incline ahead.”
Me: “I’m not falling for that again.”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD.”
Me: “Yeah I kno—HOLY CRAP (downshifting) THAT’S A STEEP
DOWNGRADE!”
GPS: “I tried to tell you.”
Me: “How far until the state border?”
GPS: “About 40 miles.”
Muted Phone: “Don’t believe her.”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION NEXT 40 MILES.”
Me: “Figures.” (Answers wife's call)
****30 minutes later****
Me: “How far til the state line?”
GPS: “5 miles”
GPS: “ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD.”
Me: “How long does this road construction last?”
GPS: “5 Miles”
Me: “Of Course.”
GPS: “What?”
Me: “Nothing.”
GPS: “State Border ahead.”
Me: “Finally!”
GPS: Crossing State Border, Entering Michigan. ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD.”
Me:” ………. I shoulda bought a Garmin”
GPS: “WHAT!?”
Me: “Oh, nothing.”
GPS: “Recalculating…..”
On a serious note: I have seen recently where the lawmakers in Ohio are proposing banning semi trucks on Ohio roadways because they claim it destroys the roads. I would submit to you that if the elected officials would stop stealing taxpayer moneys to fund their pet projects and use them for their intended purpose, the roadways would be just fine. Missouri citizens passed a law about 10 years ago that forced officials to do just that--and within a decade their roads went from 2nd worst in the country to the top ten list. Use your heads people. Stop voting for crooks. Until then, I will not spend a dime of my money in Ohio if I can avoid it....RECALCULATING ROUTE.
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